Myth-Buster Series: I'm a Christian and I don't need go to church.

So last week we busted the myth that you can pick and choose what you believe in the Bible. It's complete, it’s solid and its truth surpasses time and cultural thinking. I want to call this part two: I'm a Christian and I don't need to go to church.  How this part two, well again I have a story for you...well and addition to last week's story...

Again, I have seen and experienced this myth first. Last week I told you the story of how my family left the first church we attended when I was a kid because of last week's myth. After my parents made the decision to leave that church, they didn't hesitate in looking for new church. We attended a couple different churches in our town and ended up at a church in Sheboygan that felt similar in style to the one we left.  At this time I was in 8th grade. And just like last time, we got really involved. Things seemed to be going well: the priest was an interesting character but he believed God's word to be complete, to be authoritative and life changing. And I'm sure my mom had a lengthy conversation before we committed to this church. But the honeymoon only lasted for about three years...there were some issues arising with the national church. On the national level there was a priest who divorced his wife, came out as gay and had a partner and then was being ordained as bishop. Anyways, slowly things were changing at my church and my priest ended up leaving the church, soon followed by my parents, and it wasn't pretty. It left my family jaded about church.

I went off to college thinking I would find a church easily, but instead my experience left me critical, which made me rationalize the idea of well, I'm at Bible college, I don't need Sunday mornings when I have awesome classes during the week about God.

Now I don't know every Christian’s reasoning who doesn’t go to church. I know for me and my family, the changes at church were disappointing, frustrating and hurtful. I'm sure there are those who say they have experienced some hurt and don't want to experience it again. Then there are others who get saved, say I don't need church, I'm good, I'm saved, I've got Campus Life, my group of friends that I hang out with....you know the verse, " For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”  Matthew 18:20. Or have you seen that video by Jefferson Bethke, "Why I hate religion but love Jesus."  This has become a reason for some: "see this guys has a problem with the church and he's saved." 

Whatever the reason, we all must submit ourselves to God and what His word says.  My experience, my hurts, my opinions, it all needs to be submitted to what God’s Word says. And the same goes for those who are real about following Jesus, if you truly believe, you'll listen and do.

First, I need to make this clear: your salvation is not dependent on your church attendance. God doesn't care about how many times you go in a year, but he does care if you care about his people.  Even though your salvation is not dependent upon church attendance, it is vital for your long-term growth and healthy relationship with God and with his people.

Let's see what God's word says about the church...

Ephesians 1:22-23:  And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, ²³ which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.

Ephesians 4:15:  Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head that is, Christ.

Ephesians 5:23-24: For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Colossians 1:18:  And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy.

What do these verses say about Christ's role with the church and our role? Christ is the head and we are the body. 1 Cor. 12:27 says we are part of the body, the moment you believe,  ^" Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it."

If we are the body and Christ is the head, what does that mean? What kind of relationship are we to have with Christ?  Take a look at Ephesians 5:24, and Matthew 28:18:  Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.  As we are the body of Christ we are the church we are supposed to submit to him and his authority, right?

Romans 13 talks about submitting to authorities in place. God says he has put them in place for our benefit.  The local church is one of those authorities God has put in place.

God did establish this for our benefit:

Now to Romans 12:3-5. For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. ⁴ For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, ⁵ so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.

As members of the body of Christ, we belong to each other...what does that mean?

Romans 12:10: Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. We have responsibility to each other.

We are to love others just as Christ loved

We are forgive each other just as Christ forgave.

We are to patient with one another.

There are a ton of verses about how we are supposed to treat one another within the church. God's word also talks a lot about how we are to hold each other accountable.

Matthew 18 and Hebrews 12 talks about how to handle church discipline. 1 Timothy give instructions for the local church, who should be deacons and overseers...how do conduct ourselves. 1 and 2 Corinthians has instructions about giving, worship, communion, gifts to serve the church. Titus is about church leadership and what should be taught within the church..All the letters written by Paul were letters to local churches....Romans, 1 &2 Corinthians, Philippians, Ephesians, Galatians, and Colossians.

And they weren't perfect either...they all had their problems...sexual immorality, idolatry, false teaching, gossip...etc...

So God created the church, establishing Jesus as the head of it, as members of the body we belong to each other meaning we have responsibilities...and we are to meet regularly...

Hebrews 10:23-25:  Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. ²⁴ And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, ²⁵ not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

We meet regularly because we need to know what truth is:

1 Timothy 4: 6- 16:
⁶ If you point these things out to the brothers and sisters, you will be a good minister of Christ Jesus, nourished on the truths of the faith and of the good teaching that you have followed. ⁷ Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives’ tales; rather, train yourself to be godly. ⁸ For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come. ⁹ This is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance. ¹⁰ That is why we labor and strive, because we have put our hope in the living God, who is the Savior of all people, and especially of those who believe.
¹¹ Command and teach these things. ¹² Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity. ¹³ Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to preaching and to teaching. ¹⁴ Do not neglect your gift, which was given you through prophecy when the body of elders laid their hands on you.
¹⁵ Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. ¹⁶ Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.

We meet regularly, to encourage on another, hold each other accountable.

When you don't meet regularly, we lose track of truth, we become hard hearted, we drift away from our faith. I know, I have been there.

Campus Life is not a church. We don't have pastors, deacons, elders. We are a part of the local church. We aren't multigenerational...we aren't here for your long-term growth. We are a tool to be used by the church.

As one has said, "there are no such things as lone-wolf Christians." It's true. As a follower of Christ we are called submit to the authorities God has put in place, one being the church. We understand that we belong to one another as one body, and we need to be plugged in regularly so that we can have healthy fellowship with Him and each other. We are in a battle against the evil in this world, and God gave us the church so we don’t have to fight alone.

Myth-Buster Series: I can pick and choose what parts I want believe are true in the Bible.

A long time ago when I was in 3^rd grade, my mom made a decision that changed my families’ life. She went on a retreat where she decided to commit her life to following Jesus. As soon as she got home, things started to change. We were that family that only went on Christmas and Easter services, and any other Sunday when we didn’t sleep in, which were few. Gone were the Sundays of sleeping in and going bowling or rollerskating or whatever activity. Sundays became a time of getting up early and somewhat dressed up only to fall asleep while reciting the Lord’s Prayer in an uncomfortable church pew. Over time we became that family that served everywhere in the church, cutting the grass, lighting the candles before service, reading Scripture during service, bringing snacks for Sunday school -- we became that family.

At the time I knew God was important but I didn’t understand a whole lot, like who Jesus was or what David had to do with Jesus or God. I just knew God was to be respected and feared. Anyhow, my mom was asked to be a part of a search committee for the new priest. Our previous priest had left for reasons unknown to me at the time. My mom, along with the team, interviewed candidates and eventually hired our new priest, Mother Barbara.

Mother Barbara made herself at home in our church and in our community. It was big news, the first woman preacher in town. Things at church seemed to go on as normal and by this time I was in sixth grade and was part of the youth group. Because our church was small we didn’t have a youth pastor so our priest led our small group. Again things were alright until one day she gave us an assignment and asked us to answer this question: “If you were God what would you do differently?” For some reason that question didn’t sit well with me. I talked it over with my mom and told her I didn’t know how to answer the question because I thought God was perfect and if I answer that question than I’m saying He’s not. My told me to write just that, so I did. When we met for youth group the next time we where suppose to share our answers, so I did and my priest got mad at me. I explained how it made me uncomfortable but she wouldn’t drop it. So of course I told my mom. Boy did my mom get upset and unaware to me at the time she was starting to have concerns with Mother Barbara.  My mom had been talking to her about creationism…what you need to know is my mom is a very passionate person, especially when it comes to truth, that’s where I get it from. Anyhow, she asked the priest about the matter and to my mom’s shock, the priest told her she didn't believe everything in Bible literally, that she thought evolution could be possible, and other things. She then said this comment to my mom: “If I believed everything in the Bible to be literal, then I wouldn’t be a priest.” WOW. Aren’t priests supposed to be teaching truth, teaching what the Bible says?

That didn’t go over so well with my mom, and being a pursuer of truth and follower of Jesus, we left the church. That is one of the best decisions my mom has ever made, first deciding to follow Jesus no matter what, two leaving the church, and three getting me plugged into Campus Life (I’ll explain later).

Now I don’t tell you this story for no reason but as real life understanding of tonight’s myth: “I can pick and choose what I want to believe about the Bible as true and follow the parts I like.”  I have experienced this myth firsthand and seen the impact it can have.

This is really the underlying theme to all the myths we have talked about and will talk about. For example when Mark talked about the “gay Christian,” people were picking parts of Scripture to focus on and acted if the rest didn’t matter, like the verses in Genesis about marriage or Romans 1. We also talked about hell, how people who want to believe hell isn’t real, eternal or permanent put more attention on God’s Love and forget the rest of his attributes (characteristics), like how is God is just and holy. We need to properly handle the Word of God. And God warns of what happens when people don't handle His Word properly. Paul writes in 2 Timothy 2:14-19:

  

Keep reminding God’s people of these things. Warn them before God against quarreling about words; it is of no value, and only ruins those who listen. ¹⁵ Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth. ¹⁶ Avoid godless chatter, because those who indulge in it will become more and more ungodly. ¹⁷ Their teaching will spread like gangrene. Among them are Hymenaeus and Philetus, ¹⁸ who have departed from the truth. They say that the resurrection has already taken place, and they destroy the faith of some. ¹⁹ Nevertheless, God’s solid foundation stands firm, sealed with this inscription: “The Lord knows those who are his,” and, “Everyone who confesses the name of the Lord must turn away from wickedness.”

Remember Mark on the first night established that science answers the "what" questions but not the "should," and Scripture answers those "should" questions. In 2 Timothy 3:16-17 and Hebrews 4:12, God makes it clear we need his word to discern truth.

Going back to 2 Timothy 2:14-19, it says we need to handle of the word of truth correctly and to avoid godless chatter because the more we engage in it the more ungodly we become. Paul gives an example of how this is happening, how two individuals have a misunderstanding of the resurrection because they departed from the truth and it’s causing others stumble.

In college I read a book as part of a team Bible study. In the book, the author questions the traditional understanding of doctrine, truths found in the Old and New Testament. (Side note: every church has a doctrinal statement of what they believe and use Scripture to back it up. Even Campus Life has one. You should really know what your church believes and why they teach it.) The traditional/conservative understanding of doctrine/core truths from the Bible is that it’s solid -- firm like a brick. It does not move, bend or flex.  The author I mentioned challenges idea and talks about doctrine being a spring part of a trampoline. He states, doctrines should be flexible, like a spring and if you remove one spring you can still jump on the trampoline. He tried to argue, that if you treat doctrine, like a brick, and when it is remove the foundation crumples and I would agree that’s true. When you start to take a part a solid foundation, it’s going crack and crumble, that’s what happened to basement this summer. However, the author then tries to argue the virgin birth could have not happened, or that he doesn't think creation was a literal six days, and implies you can still have saving faith. You only removed two springs, so you can keep on jumping. This is problematic thinking. Now, I’m not saying you have to have an understanding of everything about Jesus, like the virgin birth or how creation came to be, in order to be saved. But when you decide to believe and trust Jesus is who he says he his wholeheartedly, this means you believe what he says about who he is and everything else he speaks on.  So let's see say what Jesus has to say about it -- how firm his words really are. Matthew 7:24-27 says:

“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. ²⁵ The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. ²⁶ But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. ²⁷ The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”

Granted, springs weren’t invented until the 1700s (coiled springs at least), but Jesus describes the man who hears his words and puts them into practice: they are standing on a what? A rock! As different things arise that could destroy the house, it stands firm on the foundation of rock that it has. It is the same with believers: Jesus warned us that life wasn’t going to be easy or pretty. In John 15:18-25, Jesus makes it very clear that world is going to hate us, and in Matthew 7, the verses just before, Jesus talks about his word being a rock-solid foundation. He warns about false teachers and the destruction they bring (also read 2 Peter 2). This should not come as a surprise -- since the very beginning Satan has tried to attack God’s word (read Genesis 3).

God’s word does not bend or flex to what the world thinks should be done, nor does it bend or flex to our emotions or desires. God’s word is firm. It does not change, just as he does not change, even if we wanted him to (Malachi 3:6 and Numbers 23:19-20). His word is also complete. God makes that very clear in Revelation 22:18-19 and Deuteronomy 4:2 and 12:13.

Revelation 22:18-19, ^"I warn everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this scroll: If anyone adds anything to them, God will add to that person the plagues described in this scroll. ¹⁹ And if anyone takes words away from this scroll of prophecy, God will take away from that person any share in the tree of life and in the Holy City, which are described in this scroll."

Deuteronomy 4:2, "Do not add to what I command you and do not subtract from it, but keep the commands of the Lord your God that I give you."

Deuteronomy 12:32, "See that you do all I command you; do not add to it or take away from it."

If God has made it so clear that His word is solid, does not change and is complete, then why do people pick and choose what they want to believe? Why did Eve enter a godless conversation with the serpent? We are living in a time where peoples' mottos are, “Do whatever makes you happy" or "follow your heart, it will never mislead you,” or a more recent one, “do what makes you happy because that makes God happy.” (Well first that’s not what God’s word says. Read Jeremiah 17:9 and then look up the cross references.) People don’t like being told they are wrong, being held accountable, or even idea of someone having authority over them because of our sin nature. However, this doesn’t give us the right to pick and choose what we want to believe is true. At the end of the day, God’s truth is still true no matter how hard we ignore it (Romans 1:18-32). Jesus addressed this issue in Mark 7:1-13. Verse 8 sums it up, “You have let go of the commands of God and are holding on to human traditions.” The Pharisees forgot what God actually commanded and put their own rules in place and then elevated them over God's words. 

The exact same thing is happening today and it’s dangerous.

It’s so important for us to have a proper understanding of how to handle God’s Word and really allow the Holy Spirit to guide us in all truth (John 16:13-15).

Myth-Buster Series: The Truth About Hell

Disclaimer: This is not the end-all, be-all authority on the matter of Hell. Nor is this a direct response to Rob Bell’s book, “Love Wins.” I would encourage you to read, “Erasing Hell,” by Francis Chan and “God Wins,” by Mark Galli. I would also recommend checking out Bible.org’s article, “What the Bible Says About Hell,” by Sid Litke (my father-in-law), a great resource for looking up key passages about hell. Remember to read what the Bible has to say about the matter because what God’s Word says about it is the only thing that matters.

As Mark and I were discussing topics for Ground Zero this fall and we talked about myth busters, the first myth that jumped to my mind was the one that came to the surface in Rod Bell’s book, “Love Wins.” When the book came onto the scene a few years ago, it caused quite the commotion within conservative Christian communities. Bell raises big questions that people in and out of the church have asked or even wonder about Hell: Of all the billions of people who have ever lived, will only a select number “make it to a better place” and every single other person suffer in torment and punishment forever? Is this acceptable to God? Has God created millions of people over tens of thousands of years who are going to spend eternity in anguish? Can God do this, or even allow this, and still claim to be a loving God? Does God punish people for thousands of years with infinite eternal torment for things they did in their few years of life?

Those are some big questions, hard questions, and honest questions. In the church we don’t talk about hell a whole lot because it’s depressing, dark, and scares some of us.  But nonetheless it is something that should be discussed because it is a reality, and God makes that clear in his Word.

After raising these big questions, Bell focuses on God’s love for all humanity and that being the sole purpose of why Jesus came in the first place. He fixates on this and his distaste for the traditional understanding of hell and then leaves the reader with the understanding that God wants to redeem all people, and therefore just as they had the opportunity to choose Christ in this life but refused, they will have another opportunity to do so in the next life.  We call this post-mortem salvation, to be saved after death.  The real question to ask is, what does God have to say about this? And to answer that we go to His Word.

First we need to remember that’s God’s word is what he says it is: 2 Timothy 3:16-17,  ^“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, ¹⁷ so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work”; and Hebrews 4:12, For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.”

Another thing we need to remember is that God is God, and we are not. We are created, He is the Creator. As Isaiah 55:8-9 puts it, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” We can’t even begin to think on the same level He does, nor even do what He does. And there are some things as we read His Word that make us uncomfortable because we wouldn’t have thought of doing that. Just because God does something that we don’t agree with doesn’t make Him less God. He is who is He is, and our opinions don’t change Him.

Now let’s talk about hell…

According to the Bible we only have one life to live. Hebrews 9:27 says, “Just as people are destined to die once, and after that to face judgment.” We have one life and when we die we are going to face the consequence for our decision to trust in Christ for salvation or not. John 3:16-18 and 36 makes that point very clear, ^“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. ¹⁷ For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. ¹⁸ Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son… Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life, for God’s wrath remains on them.”

Next, there are no do-overs after this life. There is no going to Hell and then realizing, “Oops, I should have chosen to trust in Jesus and what he said, I would like to go to heaven now.” Sounds harsh but it’s truth. Jesus himself tells the parable of the rich man and Lazarus in Luke 16:19-31. In the parable Jesus tell about the life of two men, one a rich man and the other a beggar named Lazarus. They both end up dying and the rich man goes to hell and Lazarus up to Abraham’s side. The rich man cries out in agony to Abraham asking for just a drop of water from Lazarus’ hand for a moment of relief. However, Abraham tells him it’s impossible because there is great chasm splitting the two eternities so that no one can cross from one to the other. Then the rich man asks for Abraham to send Lazarus to his family so that they don’t end up where he is at. Abraham makes it quite clear that can’t happen either and that they have prophets and Moses to know the truth and they have opportunities to respond to it. 

Let’s recap, you have one life (Hebrews 9:27), depending on whether or not you put your faith and trust in Christ decides your eternity (John 3:16-18, 36) and once you are there in either Heaven or hell, that’s where you will be, no crossing between the two (Luke 16:26).

Next the word eternity means endless amount of time, or simply put, forever. Again God makes it very clear in his word that eternity is permanent and forever. In Matthew 25:31-46, Jesus again paints a clear picture of what is to come after we die. He uses the illustration of separating sheep from the goats. The sheep are those who will inherit the kingdom, people who are accredited righteousness from God. The goats are those who ignore God while they were on earth. At the very end in verse 46 Jesus says, “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.” Both heaven and hell are eternal, forever. And eternity in hell is not a pleasant one. It’s one filled with suffering and punishment that last forever. Read Matthew 13:36-43, Revelation 20:11-15, and Luke 16:19-31. It’s not pretty.

People might not like to hear this and then question God’s character. “If He’s so loving, how could He do this?” Yes, God is loving but He is also holy and just. We, as the created, need to be humble in our understanding of our position before God. He is the Creator, the giver of life, who in the beginning made all things, including us. Love is a choice, and God before He ever created anything knew that we would reject Him but He still did it. He didn’t create us to be robots, He gave us a choice: Him or the world. Foolishly we chose the world and have been dealing with the effects of that sin ever since the beginning. However, because God loves us, He sent his one and only Son, to become sin for us so that we could be restored back to Him. Again, though, God gave a choice, to repent and believe in His son Jesus or not. God’s not forcing anyone who doesn’t want to be with Him to choose Him, but you better believe God is giving us every opportunity to accept such a wonderful gift. Read Romans 1:18-32, makes it very clear. Romans 6:23 says, “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”   That is some good news!

Current Events: Violence, Voyeurism, and Misogyny

(For the last Monday of every month this year, we will be turning the “Lens of Scripture” to some sort of current event. Please tune in each month to see how God’s Word applies to what is going on the world today.)

Many headlines of this past year have highlighted the tension that exists between men and women. We’ve seen high-profile domestic abuse cases in the NFL, a killing spree motivated by frustration with women, and a rash of hacking private photos and distributing them on the internet. Debates have sprung up in the media about the proper behavior of men and women along with catchphrases such as “Don’t blame the victim!” and Twitter hashtags like #NotAllMen and #YesAllWomen. As we trace the events and news stories of this past year, we may start to ask questions like: What is happening between men and women in our country? Should we focus on men and teach them to view and treat women like people rather than objects? Or do we need to focus on women and instruct them to stop dressing and acting like sex objects? Maybe some of both? Where do we go from here and how do we move forward as a society in this area?

If we go back to Scripture, we see that this “Battle of the Sexes” is as old as Adam and Eve. As we already discussed in the Myth of the Gay Christian, when they sinned against God they were not only separated from Him, but suffered a curse in their relationship as well (Genesis 3:16). Throughout the Old Testament, we see the results of the fractured relationship between men and women, mostly in the form of men misusing their God-given strength and authority at the expense of women. But when Jesus (God in the form of a man) came to earth, He did not just die for sins so that people could go to heaven someday. He also came to establish the Kingdom of God (Mark 1:15; Luke 11:20) and to make all things new (Revelation 21:5). One of those areas that Jesus came to restore is the relationship between men and women and how women are treated. The story of Jesus and the Samaritan woman in John 4 is just one instance when He honored women as DIFFERENT but EQUAL creations of God in a very male-dominated society. It is not a coincidence that the code of chivalry was not established until after Jesus’ earthly ministry as men began to follow His example.

More recently, as a society, we have made some strides toward equality between men and women, but we have not been able to heal the brokenness and frustration that is still evident in the relations between the two. Again, if we turn to the Word of God, we see that the problem goes too deep for legislation about women’s suffrage or sexual harassment to fix. James 4:1-3 tells us:

“What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.”

Much of the tension and frustration felt between men and women is born out of misplaced desires and unrealistic expectations. When we make finding the "right" man or woman the end-all be-all of our existence and the ultimate validation of our humanity, we set ourselves up for a crisis. We want a man or a woman to come into our lives and fulfill all of our needs and desires. When that doesn’t happen (either because no one ever comes or because the person who does come can’t live up to our expectations), we get upset, argue, yell, fight, hit, covet, and even kill. Men who hit or exploit women don’t just have a problem with anger or lust. Women who will wear or do just about anything to catch a man’s eye don’t just have a self-esteem/self-image issue. What we all have is a WORSHIP problem:

“For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles. Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator--who is forever praised. Amen.” (Romans 1:21-25)

God made us to be worshipers. Therefore, we are always worshiping something. We are supposed to worship Him, but we end up worshiping the things that He has made rather than the Creator, Himself. Nothing that God has made can ever fill us like He can, not even people. When we try to put our idealized notions of the "perfect man" or "perfect woman" in God's place we create idols that will always disappoint us. There are no super-men or goddess-women who will satisfy all of your deepest desires and make all of your wildest dreams come true. You might be worshiping this kind of idol with the movies you watch, the music you listen to, the books or magazines you read, the clothes you wear, the posters you hang up, the conversations you have with your friends, or perhaps on the altar of your computer screen. You might even be asking God to give you the idol that you want so badly, but you will not get it. As James told us, you are asking with the wrong motives (see James 4:3 above). Essentially, you are asking for something that does not exist. God has made it clear that there are no other gods besides Him (Isaiah 43:10-11).

Instead of aiding us in our futile pursuits, Jesus tells us to turn away from them (Mark 1:15), come to Him, and find rest from them (Matthew 11:28-30). We can only find healing, restoration, and true fulfillment in Christ. Only when we become complete and secure in who God created us to be, through our relationship with Jesus, can we properly GIVE ourselves to a husband or a wife rather than constantly trying to GET satisfaction, fulfillment, and validation from them. And that is the picture of marriage that God gives us in Ephesians 5:22-33.

Under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, Paul tells us that wives are to submit to their husbands as the church submits to Christ and husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the church. Many people get hung up on the first part about wives submitting to husbands before they understand the full picture that is being painted here. God’s command to men is to love their wives in the way that Christ (the infinite, perfect, almighty God in the form of a man) loves the church AND GAVE HIMSELF UP FOR HER. The woman is told to give in to her husband, but the man is called to give up his life! Which is the more difficult command to follow: Obey an imperfect man? Or mimic the perfect, sacrificial love of God who DIED for His bride even when she was unfaithful to Him (Romans 5:8)?

Men, your God-given strength and authority go beyond getting people to do what you want them to do. God has given you what you need to lead, protect, and serve the women and children in your lives in a way that honors Him. To paraphrase Voddie Baucham: Your job is to treat the women in your life so well that no loser would ever have a chance with them. Ask yourself, “How can we as men make sure the women around us feel safe and cared for?” Be intentional about using your power for good because when you use what God has given you to manipulate or exploit women or children for your own ends, you violate God’s created order. Remember that Jesus did not hold tightly to His ultimate authority as God, but let go of it to love and serve us (Philippians 2:5-11). When men follow Christ’s example and lay down their lives for their families instead of lording their authority over others (Mark 10:42-45), they will find women are more likely to respect them. But even if men don’t get the respect or satisfaction they want from women, they can still remember that their ultimate validation and fulfillment comes from God rather than people.

Women, don’t be quick to give your heart away to boys who don’t know what to do with it or scoundrels who are only looking to use you. Evaluate a man’s character through Ephesians 5:25-33 and stay away from the smooth-talkers who say a lot of the right things, but whose hearts don’t measure up. If that guy who likes you is not able to love selflessly and sacrificially, keep walking because he is nothing but trouble. If he is not committed to God’s Word, spiritual growth, and purity, then pass on him. If you can’t see yourself submitting to him, don’t waste your time with him. Trust that God really does have your best interests in mind even if He never brings you a husband. Find your identity and completeness in Christ, the only perfect man..

If Jesus Christ is not enough for us without a man or a woman in our lives, then our feelings of inadequacy and the problems in society will continue to perpetuate no matter how hard we keep chasing after the wind (Ecclesiastes 1:13-14). Let us focus more on who God created us to be rather than on who God may or may not have created us to be with.