Marriage and Family: The Role of the Woman

By Sara-Jean

There are a ton of Christian books and sermons out there dedicated to marriage, and each one breaks down the roles of the wife in marriage. The three things I have been learning about being a Godly wife and have found in the Bible are:

1) I'm supposed to be a helper to my husband.

2) I'm supposed to submit to my husband.

3) I'm supposed to respect my husband.

 I'm supposed to be a helper to my husband.

--Read Genesis 2

 Genesis 2:18: "The Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.'"

God created woman because it was not good for the man to be alone and he needed a helper to fulfill the command in Genesis 1:28.  A man can't reproduce without a woman and vice versa. It's just not possible.  But God didn't just create women to reproduce, He also created them to help man reflect His image (Genesis 1:26-27). God created men and woman differently on purpose, because when a man and woman come together they become one and reflect the image of God — 3 in 1.  One of the reasons Eric and I got married was because we discovered that together we help each other reflect God better than if we were apart. It looks like this in our marriage: I'm more people-oriented, while Eric is more task-oriented. Sometimes I'm too people-oriented and I don't get everything done I should, where Eric is more task-oriented and he sometimes is more concerned with finishing the task than the relationship with the people involved with the task. Together we help balance each other out.

Application:

Girls: Find a Godly man who you can balance out and is willing to be sharpened. (Proverbs 27:17)

Guys: Find a Godly woman who will balance you out and sharpen you.

I'm supposed to submit to my husband.

--Read Ephesians 5:22-24

The word submit is treated like a swear word in both Christian and in non-Christian circles. I'll admit for the longest time I didn't like that word at all. I think it's because when I first heard of submit I thought of being treated like doormat, just doing whatever my husband wants to do and losing my identity. THAT'S A LIE. Since being married I have discovered submission isn't a dirty word. I married a man that I respect greatly (we'll talk more about that later) and who is pursuing Christ. The word submit in Greek is a military term to express rank, to fall in line voluntarily. The term does not express value. I think that's where a lot of woman trip up: we think it means value. It does not mean that God values man more than woman; remember, God created us because man needed a helper. A general is only as great as his soldiers.

When I submit to my husband, I don't lose my identity because first I submitted to the Lord where my identity is found.  As I stated earlier, I have become one with Eric because it is better for us to be together than apart, and through becoming one with him I'm becoming more the person God created me to be.

Application:

Girls: First you submit yourselves to God (Proverbs 31:30). Then, submit yourselves to your earthly father. If your father isn't a follower of Jesus, read 1 Peter 3:1-6. Once you get married, then you submit to your husband. You DO NOT submit to your boyfriend or some random guy. Find a man, not a boy, who you respect and who is pursuing Christ. See how he treats the other women in his life like his mom, sisters and peers.

Guys: DO NOT treat the women in your life like doormats! You have a ton of responsibility; read Ephesians 5:25-33 and then read Mark's post about being a godly husband. Find a woman who is first willing to submit to God and then is obedient to her father or those who are in authority in her life. If she does those things, she's a keeper!

I'm supposed to respect my husband.

--Ephesians 5:33: "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

The definition of respect is to encourage, to notice, regard, honor, prefer, defer to, love and admire. As a wife I am to do these things unconditionally. If you take a look at the verse, it doesn't say to only give respect when he does this and this (that's conditional). It says, "The wife must respect her husband." Must means required. If I don't respect, if I don't encourage, honor, love, admire my husband, who's going to do it?  Another woman? I don't think so! The world, nope! It's my job to respect and encourage Eric and my joy to counter the attacks others may make with truth, and build him up (Eph. 4:29). And when Eric hears the truth, he becomes the husband mentioned in Proverbs 31:23.

Application:

Girls: When married, don't publicly or privately bash your husband; the world is already doing that. Find a man who is pursuing God, who is willing to lay down his life for you and your family. If you find a man with these qualities, submitting isn't even an issue.

Guys: Be the man God created you to be, and be the husband God wants to you be. Your future wife will have no problem respecting you.

Get a Mentor

--Read Titus 2:1-8

Application:

Girls: Find a Godly woman who has these qualities as a wife and ask if you can meet with her and if she would be willing to teach you what it means to be a Godly wife.

Guys: Find a Godly man who reflects the qualities Mark mentioned in the previous blog. Ask him if he would be willing to teach you about being a Godly husband.